Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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