I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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