did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk is a universal language darling
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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