All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
