Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
