I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize