Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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