In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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