idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
