How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
