My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
