Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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