Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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