tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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