i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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