Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
