By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
