I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
