I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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