thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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