Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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