so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
3pm strippers are depressing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
