I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
