Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
