At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You took a bar mat shot.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we still banned from the library?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
