I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
