I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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