hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
