I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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