dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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