He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
