well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
