moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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