why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am one with the molecules
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
