I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
