My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
