I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
