I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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