Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
