when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
