So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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