i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
