and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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