I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
