Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
