why didn't you poke me back
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
