speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
