I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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