He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
