i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
