Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
