going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
