Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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