He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
