Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
