Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
