Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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