ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
