i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
