There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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