It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize