I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
