At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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