i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
