Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
