It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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