you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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