He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
