and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
